Wonder Twin Powers, Activate!

The idea of “soulmates” and “twin flames” seems to resonate all over the spiritual community. People right and left dream of having a twin flame relationship, of meeting their soulmate, of being with that one person who feels like their eternal partner.

Little do they know what they are asking for…

Why do we have soulmates?

Our beliefs create our reality. It doesn’t have to mean that our thoughts create the colors used by stop lights, but that we only see what our beliefs allow us to see. If we believe that the world is full of deceitful people, we can’t recognize honesty. If we feel that everyone is out to get us, we won’t know when people are offering us an opportunity without a detrimental ulterior motive.

When our beliefs are so deeply entrenched that we can’t allow new ideas in, we end up in a vicious cycle. Paranoia, for example, dissuades friendly people from staying in our lives. The only people left are those who agree with us, attracting more paranoia in our worlds, and the belief is further entrenched in our minds, our egos.

When a soul sees that the ego is stuck in a negative feedback loop, it may split itself. The original soul, the original ego, is now faced with part of itself, in a different soul and ego that has the exact same background as the original soul and ego, but has been created to play its alter ego – the angel to its devil.

It’s a lot harder to ignore yourself than it is to ignore others. The hope is that the “original” soul will listen to itself in this new mind and body, and be more interested in resolving its differences with its alter ego than in subsuming it. And so the loop is broken, because of the love these two halves feel for each other.

The cost of having a soulmate

When we have a soulmate or a twin flame, at first it is the most painful experience we can have. There is nothing that can be more painful than having someone who knows us as intimately as ourselves, who we want to be as intimate with as we are with ourselves, show us a part of ourselves we don’t want to acknowledge – and refuse to walk away from us, because they love us as much as we love them, despite the differences.

Our soulmate is our Shadow incarnate.

Frequently we will have lives of significant pain with our soulmates. We may kill each other, over and over. It may take many lifetimes for us to be able to live together, let alone find harmony.

My former partner Steve was killed many times by his soulmate as he maintained his proclamation that nobody should own anyone else. He died rather than be owned by his soulmate. Only after several times of doing this did his soulmate realize the pain he was causing to both of them, to allow Steve to live unfettered and see that love grows only without controls.

For my part, this lifetime was the last one I had to teach my soulmate, Mary, to love me without possession as well. She could tell that I wouldn’t be able to do this for her, and that there was nothing she could do to be together without it destroying us. Before we met in this life, her soul arranged a fatal car accident, to prevent this from happening. And, in that willingness to let go of this last opportunity, she learned what she needed to learn. She had to let go of me, and trust that I would be able to unlearn my own possessiveness, bringing myself back to her on the other side.

Having a soulmate isn’t easy

Why would we want one?

Most of the time, when I hear someone say, “I want a twin flame relationship,” I hear in them a desire to connect deeply with another person, to be able to experience the ultimate in intimacy.

It’s as much a cry for external completion as any other dream of a partner. The old-school “I want a man with drive and ambition” or “I want a woman who will love me no matter what” has been replaced by “I want a twin flame.”

To me, the person who really wants a soulmate is the one who wants to get shit done. Who is willing to get dirty, snotty, scared, shaking, pissing their trousers, and loving anyways. Because that’s what having a soulmate is about. You can’t lie to them. They know you as well as you do. They will call you out on every little shit move you make.

If you are willing to face that, then you are ready to go on one hell of a rewarding and scary roller coaster ride.

The benefits of having a soulmate

If you’re stuck, having a soulmate can be an amazingly painful experience. But a soulmate will be there to make sure you grow like nobody else can. That connectedness shared between soulmates is nearly impossible for them to ignore. They may drive each other crazy, as old entrenched beliefs are challenged and worldviews are destroyed, but it will be really hard for them to avoid each other.

A soulmate relationship frequently looks like, “You drive me insane, but I can’t stay way from you.” It is up to us to decide why we are driven insane by our soulmate. Are they challenging us to love more? Is the belief they challenge one that is limiting us, or should we be asking them to expand their perspective? And, most importantly, can we let our connection carry us to the point where we experience love more openly and consciously?

If we can resolve the pain points between us, it means that we have reconciled with our Shadow. Those beliefs that held us back have been challenged by the presence of a soulmate who rejects those limiting beliefs. And we have taken the challenge, and overcome those limiting beliefs.

Happy ever after

When we have embraced our Shadow, when we have embraced our soulmate, the connectedness that kept us together is rid of the original resistance. We experience that ultimate intimacy that comes from being completely open to another who knows us as well as we know ourselves. We have completely opened to our selves.

And that is mighty tasty.

Just know that, if you are desiring a soulmate or a twin flame, you’ll get a world of pain first. But don’t give up. It’s worth it.