Constraints on acting

My friend and massage therapist Peter Hulit introduced an idea to me about what drives us to act, and what keeps us from acting, that I feel is worth sharing. As we move through life, we may find ourselves acting from any of these three levels: the Tribal, the Personal, and the Universal.

Tribal

When we are part of a tribe, we are part of a group of people who have agreed to live according to a set of principles. Churches are comprised of people who have similar religious beliefs. Companies are comprised of people who agree to work according to a set of guidelines towards company-sanctioned goals. Sports fans are people who believe a certain way about certain sports teams. And so on.

The key characteristic of a tribal setting is that the individuals serve the needs of the tribe. When an individual acts, it is according to the role they fill in the tribe. The chief of the tribe has specific duties he or she must perform. The shaman has a specific role. The gatherers gather, the hunters hunt, and so on. The tribe has expectations on how we act and, as part of the tribe, we fulfill them.

When we are acting at a Tribal level, we may want to act outside of those expectations, but we fear how the tribe will react. “What will they think of me if I do this?”

In short, at the Tribal level, we act out of duty, and refrain from acting out of shame.

Personal

At some point, we may say, “I can’t do what the tribe wants of me. I need to do this for myself.” When we move to the Personal level, we act out of our own needs and interests. We act based upon what will make us happy (or move us away from pain). When we don’t act upon our desire, we don’t refrain because of how others will think of us. Instead, we refrain because we fear how we will think of ourselves.

In short, at the Personal level, we act out of pleasure, and refrain from acting out of guilt.

Universal

What we may find is that, after living a life of me-me-me, we recognize that there is more than just ourselves to consider. There are others to consider as well. But instead of subsuming ourselves back within the tribe, we come to realize that everything is important and valuable. We begin to think universally. Rather than acting based upon what others expect, or what I want to do, we act based upon what serves everyone best. When we see something that we want to do, but refrain from doing it, we don’t refrain because we fear what others or ourselves will think of us. Instead, we refrain because we see that it is not the time or place to do it.

In short, at  the Universal level, we act out of service, and refrain from acting out of humility.

We can be in these levels at different times and places. In a family get-together, we may feel obligated to play roles, while at the beach we can be ourselves, and at the office we can act for the betterment of all. We may also find that we can act Universally in many places where we might have acted tribally in the past. We may find that, instead of grating at having to be the dutiful wife/mother/husband/dad in the family tribe, we find ourselves performing that role because it serves all of us, even as we recognize that it does not define us. We can meet members of a church with diametrically opposed views as our own, and acknowledge their views as valid – for them – without castigating them for being from another tribe. We can find ways to enjoy life, to be true to ourselves, that do not rock the boats of those who fear for the safety of the tribe.