Sexual awakening

One week on Facebook, a burst of updates came onto my news feed, questioning our current assumptions about how we relate on a sexual level. Monogamy was being re-inspected, new paradigms being discussed, all in a flurry. Me being me, I shared my thoughts, and there seemed to be some resonance.

When it comes to anything energy-related, I view it through our relationship with our chakras. Each chakra is an energy transformer, translating energy to how we interact with the world in various aspects.

• The first chakra, at the base of our spine, relates to our boundaries and what we create physically within those boundaries – what we bring into our lives in terms of material goods and security.
• The second chakra, aligned with the womb or prostate, relates to our creativity and procreativity, our sensuality and sexuality.
• The third chakra, aligned with the solar plexus, relates to our comfort with our own personal power.
• The fourth, at the heart, relates to our empathy and compassion.
• The fifth, at our throat, involves our relationship with words – our expression of integrity and our ability to listen.
• The sixth, between and above our eyes, involves how we view the world, both physically and our insights.
• The seventh, at the top of our heads, involves how connected we feel with the rest of the universe.

What intrigues me is how much we treat sexuality differently from other energy. We feel free to share our resources (1st chakra), creativity (2nd chakra), power (3rd chakra), compassion (4th), words (5th), insights (6th) and connection (7th) and yet sexual energy (2nd) is placed in a completely different, hermetically sealed vault, only to be shared with the person who has given us the appropriate gifts.

This strikes me as a cultural limitation, not a natural expression of a loving being.

If we shared sexual energy in the same way that we share our true expressions of our hearts, of our resources, etc., we wouldn’t be in orgiastic slutfests (unless that is truly how we express our loving selves sexually). We would still be thoughtful in our choices, just as we are thoughtful about who we share our hearts with, who we share our resources with, who we speak for. The main difference is we wouldn’t be afraid to share when we feel like sharing. “Does this make me a slut?” Well, no. It makes us sexually healthy.

So many challenges in the sexual arena comes from the idea that sexuality is to be bartered. The dowry, the engagement ring, the promise of a stable house that permits us to have 2.6 children, the fast car, whatever it is. “In order for me to have sex with this person, I need to present myself in this way.” “In order for them to have sex with me, they need to present themselves this way, because I can only give my sexuality away once, or else I’m that person.”

It all assumes that sexual energy is something that, unlike every other energy we have, cannot be explored indefinitely. (Okay, with breaks to recuperate.) The only reason to pay for something is if it is limited. Otherwise, instead of the concept of purchasing a favor, it becomes a simple choice. “Do I want to share this energy with this person? Do they want to share it with me?” If yes, then yes. If no, then no.

This sense of awakened sexuality can lead to monogamy. The difference between a sexually limited monogamous relationship, and a sexually awakened monogamous relationship, is that a sexually awakened monogamous relationship is between two people who do not place restrictions on each other’s sexual activities, but simply find that they feel no need to explore sexuality beyond the experiences they have with each other. They support each other’s curiosity and find each other yummy, and simply have no interest outside of that. Rather than looking for “The One,” they enjoyed what life offered, until they met each other and went, “Oh. I’m done.”

One of the biggest challenges to awakening sexually is finding our own sexuality. If we believe that sexuality can only be experienced with a partner, then instead of sharing energy, we are interested in taking energy, and we fall back into the pattern of “What do I need to do to get it from you?”

Instead of looking for sexuality outside of ourselves, we can look for it within. Even simple sensuality – fully engaging and loving our senses, feeling water or wind or fabric on our skin, really smelling and tasting an amazing meal, feeling the texture of food, of fabric, of stone – is an excursion into self-pleasure. Touching and caressing our own skin and discovering how amazing we are as our own givers of pleasure awakens us to the fact that we do not need another person to be sexual. Obviously there is great pleasure in sharing the experience, but it is not necessary.

When we feel sexual, we not only get ourselves off, but thoroughly enjoy feeling that energy flowing throughout our body, from our toes to through the top of our heads.

This could have been blocked by the fact that many of us hid our early sexual explorations, say, in the shower in our parents’ house. Our hips tend to be where the largest, tightest muscle knots exist, because we aren’t allowing that energy to flow. By allowing ourselves to breathe more openly during foreplay, moving our bodies more fluidly, allowing those knots to open up, we can discover just how much energy can flow through us. Like, hot dayum. And suddenly, we don’t need another person there, even though that is fun.

The challenge is if we go there halfway. If we discover our sexual energy, but don’t see that it is, by itself, a damn good ride, we can fall into the trap of using our sexuality to ensnare others who haven’t yet realized that they are sexual creatures of their own. And this is where you get the stories of the yoga instructors creating their own downfall by not properly recognizing the boundaries of their students.

As we come into our sexuality, it is our responsibility to be aware of how important boundaries are. Even if the 2nd chakra energy is moving two people together, the 4th/6th/7th chakra information might alert us that we will endanger whatever relationship we have with the other person or ourselves. Because we are, within ourselves, enough, we should be able to heed all of the signs, not just the ones in our pelvises.

Once we discover that we do not need another person to make us sexually active, our relationship changes from one of needing sex to one of sharing it. We have energy we offer, if the other person chooses to accept it. The cautious dance of courtship/ownership gets replaced with allowing energy to play as it chooses. If both people in a situation are open and interested, the energy will move them. If either one is not interested, it is clear. Because no need is involved, the ego/mind doesn’t override the lack of interest from the other party, and the relationship becomes a beautiful, non-sexual friendship.

So, that’s the sum of it, for me. We’ve been taught that sexuality is to be locked away and considered a scarce resource, rather than an energy that flows through us like any other energy. By learning that we create our own sexuality, we discover that we can share it, rather than take it from others. And by removing the scarcity concept from it, we no longer need to sacrifice for it. We can simply enjoy it, or not, with the partners we choose to enjoy it with. It’s all good.